Cutting "process language" in fiction writing

One of the most common issues in fiction writing—especially among new writers—is use of process language. This is when narration explains every action or thought a character goes through, which can slow the pace and pull readers out of the story. Learning to cut it out is a powerful tool for making writing leaner and more immersive.

What is process language?

Process language describes how a character is doing something rather than showing the result or impact. It often reads like a play-by-play of events, like you might hear from a sportscaster.

Example:

With process language:

She slowly opened the door, pushing it just a little and listening for any sound on the other side, before stepping inside.

Without process language:

She opened the door and stepped inside.

While the second example, without process language, is short and direct, there's definitely a "happy medium" to be struck between both examples. The goal is for every sentence to pull its own weight, moving the story forward and leaving tension for the reader to feel rather than making it painfully obvious.

Why process language can hurt your writing

1. Slows the pacing

   Readers don’t need to know every micro-movement your character makes. Over-explaining can make even high-stakes scenes drag.

   
   

2. Tells instead of shows

   Instead of letting readers infer a character’s emotions or intentions from actions, dialogue, or context, process language often narrates it explicitly.

   
   

3. Adds unnecessary word count

   Cutting process language trims the fluff, making your prose cleaner and more impactful.

   
   

Types of process language

1. Physical actions

Describing every step a character takes.

Overwritten:

He bent down, stretched his arms, grasped the book with both hands, and pulled it off the shelf carefully.

Tightened:

He pulled the book off the shelf.

2. Mental processes

Over-explaining what a character is thinking.

Overwritten:

She ran through the possible outcomes in her head, imagining the worst-case scenario, weighing the odds carefully before making a decision.

Tightened:

She weighed the odds.

3. Emotional or psychological steps

Walking readers through every phase of feeling.

Overwritten:

Anger bubbled up inside him; he clenched his fists, swallowed hard, and tried to calm himself before speaking.

Tightened:

His fists clenched as he fought to calm himself. He swallowed hard and spoke.

Common mistakes writers make with process language

Watch out for these process-language pitfalls:

1. Over-explaining simple actions

   Mistake: She put one foot in front of the other as she walked across the room.

   Fix: She crossed the room.

   
   

2. Narrating emotions instead of showing them

   Mistake: He felt nervous, anxious, and unsure what to do next.

   Fix: Hands shaking, he looked around wildly for help.

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3. Micromanaging thought processes

   Mistake: She thought about the meeting, remembered the last time, considered what could go wrong, and planned her words carefully.

   Fix: She braced herself for the meeting.

   
   

4. Using filler phrases that add no value

   Words like “slowly,” “carefully,” “gradually," etc. can often be cut unless they carry real tension or meaning.

   
   

5. Assuming readers need every step to understand stakes

   Readers can infer hesitation, effort, or fear from contextual cues, dialogue, or brief gestures.

   
   

When to keep process language

Not all process language is bad. Sometimes it might be used:

• to emphasize tension in a critical scene.

• when a step in a process is crucial to plot or character development.

• to highlight a character’s idiosyncrasies—like habits, quirks, or hesitations that reveal personality.

  
  

Use process language sparingly and intentionally. Every extra step you describe should add stakes, conflict, or insight.

Editing tips for reducing process language

1. Read aloud

   Hearing your words can reveal slow spots where the narration over-explains.

   
   

2. Ask, “Does the reader need this?”

   If a movement, thought, or emotion is obvious from context, cut it.

   
   

3. Use strong verbs and concise sentences

   Often, one precise verb can replace a whole sentence of process language.

   
   

4. Show through action, not narration

   Let the impact or consequence of a character’s action convey the tension or emotion.

   
   

5. Trust your readers

   Readers are smart; they can infer character's emotions or actions without a step-by-step guide.

   
   

Before & after example

Before:

Lila picked up the envelope slowly, her hands trembling slightly. She turned it over, read the return address, hesitated, then tore it open.

After:

Lila's hands trembled as she tore open the envelope.

The “after” version keeps the tension and shows her emotion without overloading the reader.

Why it matters

Cutting process language is about clarity, pacing, and immersion. It’s about removing unnecessary language so that every word serves the narrative. By trusting your readers to infer what your characters feel and do, you make your fiction tighter, more dynamic, and impossible to put down.